


high hopes for a living

by justahufflepuff



Series: The Celebrity AU 'verse [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, F/F, F/M, asexual Gilderoy Lockhart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 19:19:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15055991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justahufflepuff/pseuds/justahufflepuff
Summary: Gilderoy is pining. Terribly, tragically pining. He's pretty sure guys as pretty as him weren't meant to suffer like this. He only met Regulus Black a couple days ago, he shouldn't be nearly this tragically morose. Perhaps it's time he did something about it.(Part of the Celebrity Date Night 'verse)





	high hopes for a living

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zimakvet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimakvet/gifts).



> Winter and I can't stop and we won't stop.

“I think,” Gilderoy says dramatically as he flops down on the Potter’s well-worn couch, “that I am in love.”

“Hmm.” Lily does not sound suitably impressed.

“Who’s he in love with today?” James asks as he enters the room, a sleeping Tuney conked out in his arms.

“Probably a grocery clerk.” Lily says. “Has Harry called yet?”

“I get the distinct impression neither of you are not taking me seriously.”

“Well, you’re not Sirius-” James starts with a sneaking grin, reflexively ducking before he’s finished his sentence.

Lily groans and throws a kitchen towel at her husband, as anticipated.

Gilderoy doesn’t know why he even bothers hanging out with these people. “I am in crisis!”

“You’re in crisis every other time you stop by, Gil.” Lily says, though not unkindly. “Forgive me if I’m no longer impressed by all of them.”

Gilderoy huffs and crosses his arms. “But this one’s important!”

Lily, bless her, sighs before putting down the dish she’d been washing to sit next to him on the couch. She lets him wiggle around to drop his head in her lap and Gilderoy thanks his luckiest stars for patient ex-girlfriends.

“I am never going to see him again.” Gil whines as Lily pets his hair.

“Well, that rules out the grocery clerk theory.” James says. “And no, our son hasn’t called yet.”

Lily’s lips purse. “He ought to have checked in by now. But if we call first, we’re hovering.”

“I mean, he’s with Angelina, how much trouble can he possibly be in?”

“I met him two days ago,” Gilderoy continues as if the Potter’s have given him their undivided attention. “And he’s wonderful, and now I’ll never see him again ever.”

“Are you willfully forgetting the time he broke his arm playing soccer?”

“He’d never even seen a Disney movie, I had to educate him and he let me do all the vocals, alright that might’ve been the champagne talking and not him but he certainly didn’t stop me once I started which honestly, you’ve heard my singing voice he ought to have stopped me-“

“Wait a minute,” James holds up a hand and Gilderoy stops talking obediently. He has a look of horror slowly dawning across his face. “Dave, mate, who are we talking about?”

“Well, you’re talking about your eldest miscreant. I am talking about the love of my life.”

“And this new love of your life, you didn’t happen to have posted some blurry selfies with him on Instagram did you?”

“Of course I did,” Gilderoy says, offended. “I have a brand to live up to after all!”

“You can’t just decide your lifestyle is a brand, Gil.” Lily says.

James has begun laughing in a way that sounds a little manic.

“My lifestyle is most certainly a brand, you take that back.”

Tuney began to stir in her father’s arms. James’s frantic laughter briefly turned to frantic shushing as he rocked his child.

“She ought to go down for a nap.” Lily says, looking at her fussing daughter in concern. “James, do you want me to-?”

“No, you’re already sitting. Besides, I am going to brandy for this conversation. So much brandy.”

\-----------------------------

“Let me get this straight-“ James says about ten minutes later, already clutching the bottle of brandy like a life vest, only to get interrupted by his wife as Lily replies, “Well, I suppose someone in this room has to be, so go ahead darling.”

Gilderoy crows and exchanges a very smug high-five with his ex.

“That joke was only funny the first time, you know.” James has a look of long-suffering patience that doesn’t really suit him.

“You’re just jealous you can’t make it.” Lily says primly before high-fiving Gilderoy a second time. “But continue. You were getting something straight.”

“Yes, yes I was. Where was I?”

“Judging my test in men, probably.”

“Only when that man is Sirius’s baby brother!”

Gilderoy sighs dramatically and flings arm over his eyes. “I’m never going to see him ever again so it hardly matters.”

“That’s for the best.” James says firmly.

“You are not being nearly as sympathetic as I require.” Gilderoy huffs.

“You only came over because Emmeline kicked you out, didn’t you?”

Immediately Gil puffs up in self-defense. “No! That wasn’t the only thing!”

Lily gives him a bemused and completely unconvinced look as she takes the brandy from James. “And what was the other thing?”

Instead of responding Gilderoy settled in for a royal sulk. Now that it seemed rather obvious he’d not get what he wants, he’s truly coming to terms that he really will never see Regulus and all his glory ever again face to face.

“Gilderoy.” Lily says, using her Child Discipline voice.

Gilderoy, if possible, sulks even harder.

“Spit it out mate, that voice has made grown men cry.” James doesn’t sound very sympathetic either, which is a damn shame. Gil hates wasting a good sulk.

“I just thought,” he sounds very plaintive. “That if I got Sirius’s number, maybe he could—“

“No.” James says, stony as a goddamn wall.

“I—“

“No. You’re not dragging Sirius back into a hell he’s already clawed his way out of once. You want Regulus’s number, you find it some other way.”

And that was that.

\-----------------------------

For a man concerned with his brand and his image, Gil has never been the best at Instagram. Oh don’t get him wrong, he posts at least twice a week and does those live streams when he feels gregarious, but as for using it to actually follow people back or interact with them... not so much. The only two accounts he follows are the staff account everyone follows until they opt out, and the one he made for his cat Marcus.

Until today, that is.

Today he’s spent the past half an hour scrolling through Regulus’s feed and systematically liking every post. He’s followed Regulus for a grand total of thirty minutes and he’s already wondering exactly when qualifies as ‘too soon’ to send a direct message. Aurélie, the eldest of his baby cousins, has already explained to him twice that you can’t direct message someone who doesn’t follow you as well. Gil has no idea if Regulus makes up one of his 5.6K followers- he turned off notifications about two minutes after posting his first photo. But he’s willing to test his luck. Or rather, he’s desperate enough to test his luck. He might be in love after all.

So he pulls up the Direct Messaging option and starts typing in Regulus’s handle.

It works.

He almost cries he’s so relieved. Instead he settles for typing, ‘you know for two people with so many acquaintances in common, I can’t believe it’s taken us so long to meet. I could’ve started your Disney education years ago’ and presses send.

Despite having a deadline looming above him Gilderoy spends the next five hours checking his phone every compulsive second he can. Absolutely nothing gets written and Emm will certainly strangle him for this later, but it’s all worth it when his phone lights up two minutes after setting it back down.

‘I know we were both rather drunk at the time,’ the Instagram message reads, ‘but I do remember my sordid Disney past coming up at least once.’

‘I’m glad you’re aware not seeing Lilo & Stitch is considered a capital crime.’

‘Seeing what now?’

‘It’s patently unfair for you to say things like that when I have no idea where you are so I can’t desert my work to come tie you to a chair and force you to watch it with me.’

‘That’s all it would take to get you to tie me to a chair?’

Oh boy, he’s in over his head now. Usually when the propositions start flying Gilderoy finds a tactful way to change the subject or demure, anything to avoid the elephant of his sexuality (or at least the part of it that lacked sex). Instead he finds himself mulling over blurry memories of the way Regulus smirks when he thinks he’s being sly, the pleased crinkle to the corner of his eyes when he laughs and means it. He thinks of those things instead of the way every awkward high school or college relationship had ended and types back, ‘I’ll sit in your lap if it sweetens the deal ;)’

There’s a delay in response that makes his heart lurch and then, ‘will we actually watch the movie?’

‘I am personally offended that you think I’d lure you with the promise of life-changing Disney movies and not deliver.’

‘How can you deliver when you don’t know where I am?’

‘Is that doubt I hear? Does Horton hear a doubter?’

‘Horton most certainly does hear a doubter. Tell you what, find me, and you can tie me to a chair and do whatever you please.’

Something warm and exhilarating thrills down Gil’s spine. He loves a good puzzle.

‘Challenge accepted. You’re about to watch so many Disney movies.’

‘Not unless you find me, hot stuff ;)’

Oh, it’s on.


End file.
